Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, will hinder effective communication more than preemptively judging yourself.
It will lock up your mind and body.
This is something that I have dealt with off and on for as long as I can remember. Recently, I noticed that I was having a really challenging time recording the brief, motivational videos I like to post to social media. The words would fly out of my head or wouldn't seem to come out of my throat properly and you can imagine that, as a professional broadcaster, I was giving myself a really hard time about it.
I was thinking, "You’ve covered days’ worth of hurricane coverage. How hard can it be to record 90 seconds worth of video." Turns out, the answer is, "pretty doggone hard when you're not in a helpful headspace."
I had to go back to basics and ask myself what was going on in my world. And even more importantly, what was going on in my body. I realized that I had moved into that space where my old "you're not good enough "demons reign supreme.
I clued into my body and what it was saying.
My chest was screaming, "I can't get enough air." "Something heavy is sitting on me. " My throat was screaming, "Help! I'm closing up!"
All classic signs I had handed the reigns over to the part of my brain that reacts to perceived danger, even if the danger is only that 'I won't ever get it right.'
If you are predisposed to judging yourself harshly, particularly assuming and telling yourself that you will get it wrong or not get it right or any other flavor of 'I never do it right,' then you can find yourself feeling frozen, stuck and unable to move forward and express yourself.
Your body may constrict and the ideas will not flow.
If you notice yourself in this type of situation, there are some things you can do to alleviate that strain.
First of all, you might be wondering how you will know you're preemptively judging. The most straightforward way of knowing is if you notice those thoughts "I'm not going to get a right. I'm going to screw this up." floating through your brain, then you can easily identify it. But there's also the possibility that your body holds the clues about whether you're doing that to yourself.
As you consider your future communication that's giving you trouble,
be aware of your body. What are you feeling in there? And by what are you feeling, I mean what sensations are you feeling?
Is there any constriction in any part of your body? Is there tightness in your chest? Perhaps there is an accelerated heartbeat? Have your shoulders clenched and risen up towards your ears? Is your stomach tight?
Anything like this could be an indication that you are in judgment.
There are some ways to soothe it to allow yourself to get back into that part of your brain that can effectively and confidently guide you through your interactions.
Try this if you'd like: home in on one of those areas of constriction or tightness and notice. You don't have to do anything to it or make it go away. Just acknowledge it. If you're feeling frisky, you can ask a few questions. What's this about? What's going on here? Before you move forward, I want to put a big stop sign here so that you realize you don't need to come up with any answers. If something pops up, great! If it doesn't, great!
It's about the acknowledgment. That's part of the magic. The next part of the magic making is checking in with yourself and asking yourself the question of whether you can give yourself some space and grace around this… maybe a little compassion.
What I'm asking you to do is to allow your thoughts to point you towards the areas of your body that can tell you what needs a little soothing and free you up some so that you can express yourself more comfortably and more powerfully.
And then just let the sensations be. You're training your body, at a core level, to know that this experience is not going to kill you and this communication is safe a process.
You can then congratulate yourself because at that point you have done two important things-- you have interrupted that negative, disruptive cycle, mentally and physically, and you have honored your legitimate feelings and experiences.
Look at that! That's you laying the foundation for a new way of being.
It's a new way of being that will pave the way for you being more of yourself, more effectively, more confidently.
That will show up in your communication and it will also show up in other areas of your life. Go you!